Kramer vs. Kramer

In looking back over several of my recent posts, I realized I’ve referenced quite a few television shows – The Brady Bunch, the Olympics, Dancing With The Stars. Obviously, I need to get out more, but if you’ll grant me one more pass, I must make yet another TV-themed observation.

Our girls are extremely impressionable when it comes to programs on television – which is why we have to be careful with what they watch. After Hannah Montana, they will grab microphones and put on a concert. After viewing a cooking show, they want to create something in the kitchen. After a home improvement program on HGTV, they want to redecorate their rooms.

So I was taking a chance the other day when an old re-run of Seinfeld came on. Admittedly, some of those episodes are not kid-friendly, but this particular one seemed harmless, so we continued to watch it.

Perhaps you’ve seen it. The one where Kramer, the wacky neighbor, brings an old screen door from George’s parents’ house back to his apartment and installs it outside his door in order to give it “the cool evening breezes of Anytown, USA.” Hilarity ensues as Kramer turns his apartment hallway into a small-town front porch complete with a barbecue grill, lawn chairs, potted plants and an American flag. He even lights a sparkler in one scene – which would clearly violate his building’s fire code in real life.

Within 30 minutes of the conclusion of this episode, our girls had gone to work. Screen doors could not be found, but they had turned the hallway to their bedrooms into a Kramer-inspired Anytown, USA. Outside each girl’s room were bushes and flowers (drawn and colored on white copy paper, then cut out so as to appear more realistic and life-like). They posted signs, again drawn with markers, to the side of their doors that simply read, “Keep Out” – not exactly a Mayberry-type welcome, but most likely a message intended for those pesky kids that sprayed shaving cream all over Kramer’s screen door. Our youngest set out a bowl of water for her stuffed animal to drink on her front porch. And both girls are strongly committed to maintaining a nice lawn; they cut their grass with a toy vacuum cleaner (the closest thing they could find to a mower) each day after school, often multiple times.

I’d be willing to bet money that the next step in this process is for the girls to become competitive about their pseudo-front porches. I can hear it now: “My lawn is better than your lawn” or “My flowers are prettier than yours.” It’s coming, trust me. And I think I’m just going to let our two Kramers work it out amongst themselves.

In the meantime, I’m focusing on two important words that were also a part of this Anytown, USA episode and designed to preserve sanity:

“SERENITY NOW!”