Rated PG: Parental Guidance Suggested

About a week ago, my husband and I were asked to give a 30-minute talk about responsible parenting to a group of 25+ engaged couples preparing for marriage in the church. The talk was earlier today, and we covered our topic on the itinerary without fainting, vomiting or hyperventilating. I consider that, in itself, a success.

We are certainly no experts on child rearing (notice we could NOT have been the pre-marital conference coordinator’s first pick with only a week’s notice) and are far from knowing all the answers, but we simply shared our perspective, funny stories and views on parenthood we’ve developed over the past seven years.

It was a bit tricky to address this crowd since none of them currently are parents or plan to be in the very near future. In planning our comments, we had to think back to when we were engaged and try to think of things that would be of interest and might be memorable.

Anyway, here are just a few of the things my husband and I have learned over the years and communicated to this group of engaged couples earlier today:

Times may have changed since we were kids, but the needs and wants of children remain very basic and very much the same: they want our time and our love. It’s been our experience that you can’t schedule “quality time” with your children – it just doesn’t work to say “we’re going to have a special moment together between 2:00 and 3:00 this afternoon.” The sweetest times we’ve had with our girls have been impromptu and unplanned – and if we hadn’t invested the quantity, we would not have been present for the quality.

Also, our children don’t need us to be their friends – they need us to be their parents. There is a difference in having a close, loving relationship with your kids and being their best buddy. They need us to lead and guide them; that’s our job first and foremost.

Another point we made was that having a child won’t ever fix a troubled marriage, but children can certainly enhance a good one. I fall in love all over again with my husband in watching him with our daughters, and there’s no doubt that our marriage has been enriched by raising a family together.

In addition, we discussed the value of parents presenting a united front and backing each other up. Consistency is so important for kids, and they feel safer when they know the drill – not when one parent tells them one thing, and the other tells them something totally different.

Children really do draw us closer to God in a couple of ways: they stretch our faith by asking questions we never considered before, forcing us to examine not only what we believe but why, and kids enable us to see the world and God’s creations through the awe and wonder of their eyes.

Our pediatrician gave us some of the best advice we’ve received as parents. He told us to establish a dialogue early on with your children – it may seem like you’re talking about “nothing” when they’re very young but when they get to be teenagers and you really need them to talk to you about what they’re doing and going through, it’s too late at that point to establish rapport. You have to do it while they’re little in order to have that foundation of trust and communication.

And finally, it is easy as parents to become totally child-centered. Make an effort to have date nights and concentrate on your relationship with your spouse – after all, the best gift you can give your kids is loving your husband or wife.