Super Fat Tuesday Bowl

This year, there seem to be several national events taking place within a few days’ time, and I’m just thinking that it would make more sense if we combined them all – Super Bowl, Mardi Gras (Fat Tuesday) and Super Tuesday – into one big celebration. Who’s with me???

I’m envisioning a party where you gather at friends’ homes to eat king cake and drink Daiquiris until you’re sick while watching a football game on a big-screen TV. But instead of the Patriots vs. the Giants, it would be the Clintons vs. the Obamas and the McCains vs. the Romneys. Hillary, Barack, John and Mitt would serve as quarterbacks, while the rest of the teams would be made up of campaign staff.

The best part, however, would be the commercials running during the game. The ads would cost millions per 30-second spot, and would feature Tom Brady and Eli Manning promising to jumpstart the economy and bring our troops home from Iraq. Some people, in fact, would only tune in to the Super Fat Tuesday Bowl game to see these one-of-a-kind commercials.

Following the big football event, everyone would ride to their voting precincts on floats specially designed for the occasion. You would flash your voter’s registration to have colorful red, white and blue beads showered on you. You’d submit your selection for the Democratic or Republican candidate of choice and then go feast on more king cake and cajun food while watching the primary results announced on TV by Wolf Blitzer and New Orleans native son Harry Connick Jr.

Once the winners were declared, the campaign staff would dump a huge cooler of Gatorade on the victorious candidates and they would triumphantly declare, “I’m going to Disney World!”

Oh, and I almost forgot about Groundhog Day. If John McCain sees his shadow, does that mean we’ll have four more years of Republicans in office?