Let The Games Begin!

Welcome to Spring Break at our house – or, as I like to call it, the Darwin Olympics.

Survival of the fittest, according to Wikipedia, is a “phrase which is shorthand for a concept relating to competition for survival or predominance.” I can think of nothing better to illustrate our daughters’ behavior when re-integrating with each other after attending separate schools throughout the year. The need to compete, win and dominate seems to be an ongoing theme among the Sisterhood of the Traveling Rants.

Now, for those of you brainy show-offs out there, I’m aware that Charles Darwin actually coined the phrase natural selection while a man named Herbert Spencer came up with survival of the fittest – similar, and yet different, terminology. But I’d never heard of Herb before doing brief and careless research on the Internet to write this post, so I’m going with the Darwin Olympics. It has a much better ring to it anyway.

Here’s a sampling of some of the events you might catch if you tuned in to our Olympiad:

The Tapping and Screaming Biathlon
This charming competition involves our younger llama donning her tap shoes and excitedly shouting crazy lingo like, “Break it down, Mary!” before exploding into a wild tap dancing frenzy. This, of course, prompts her older sister to see if she can yell louder than the deafening tapping noise to get her to stop. Hilarity ensues.

The 100 Meter Free Throw
When one girl gets her hands on something the other one wants, the first llama proceeds to throw it at least 100 meters over the second one’s head in order to irritate, exacerbate and activate.

Elbow Wrestling
Establishing dominance often takes on a life of its own. Whether it’s jockeying for space to eat breakfast at the coffee table or determining who gets to stand next to Mom at church, elbow wrestling is the sport of choice.

Synchronized Whining
This event usually coincides with my instructions to pick up the toys they’ve brought out through the day. After demonstrating strength, endurance and ability in carrying their belongings out to the living room, these young athletes feign injury, fatigue and anything else they think might disqualify them from cleaning up.

Now there are times when both girls display good sportsmanship and play well together. But I’m afraid total unity and harmony – the “ultimate goodie” according to Mr. Dunlap’s 10th grade American Lit class – still eludes us.

Competition is inevitable when you have siblings 18 months apart, but did they have to “go for the Gold” and train so hard?!? As the referee of the Darwin Olympics, my goal is to make sure everyone is playing by the rules and no one gets hurt.

As their mother, my goal is to cancel the Darwin Olympics.