Weed Whacker

It’s the end of times. And I can prove it.

Dawn Wells, who portrayed Mary Ann on Gilligan’s Island, was caught with marijuana yesterday. What’s next? Florence Henderson being linked to Eliot Spitzer’s prostitution ring? Ron Howard revealing he’s taking steps to become a woman? Wise up, people. If it could happen to Mary Ann, it could happen to Mrs. Brady and Richie Cunningham.

I guess I’ve come to grips with the modern-day “role models” and accepted the fact that the Lindsay Lohans and Britney Spearses of the world are going to disappoint me on a regular basis. But Dawn Wells was from a different generation – and a 69-year-old actress who played a Kansas farm girl on a silly 1960s sitcom should know better!

Plus, it begs the larger question: If Mary Ann has screwed up her life in this manner, how well could Ginger, the “bad girl” on the show, have turned out??? (Incidentally, I’m not proud of the fact that in only two months of blogging, I’ve written about Gilligan’s Island twice, but this story could not…would not!...be ignored.)

One of my favorite movie scenes is from Airplane! when Barbara Billingsley (Mrs. Cleaver from Leave It To Beaver) offers to interpret fellow airline passengers’ requests for the flight attendant by saying, “Oh stewardess! I speak jive.” This was hilariously funny because the idea of June Cleaver knowing jive talk was so polarizingly different from her TV persona.

But it won’t be nearly as funny when Ms. Wells (IF that’s her real name…) appears on Cops as herself. Are you listening, Ms. Henderson and Mr. Howard?